mh..what a crock of crap. yes, I am feeling a little bitter and jaded at the moment. had to deal with my parents invading my house the other day. freaked me the hell out. I am in a major distance thing with them at the moment. We had a huge falling out 6 months ago or so. They have been emailing me periodically whining at me about can’t we stop being mad. I just continue to refuse to speak to them. It’s much better that way. I reached a point where I couldn’t deal with their horrible behavior anymore. It was impacting not only me, but my child as well. They just finally crossed the line. I called them on it, and they were content to leave me alone until the decided they wanted money. Then it turned into this whole DRAMA. it was nasty emails and them trashing me in our religious community. I refused to engage, and just kept my distance.

So when I wouldn’t perform for them, show up at holiday stuff so they could trot us out in front of their friends, they decide to show up at my house. Not only did they show up at my house, but didn’t even knock. My door was unlocked because I was in the process of going to my car to look for something. I see my mother’s head on the porch and I duck around the corner, expecting like a normal person they would knock..but no. they come in my house and start talking to my dogs and going “hellooooo” so I come around the corner and chase them out. I say “you can’t come barging in my house like this.” so my mom goes “we will go on the porch and talk to you then. we need to talk” and once again, its all about them. about how I have hurt them by taking us out of their lives. I just tell them I don’t want to talk to them. i keep saying over and over “I don’t want to discuss this with you right now. I do not want to talk to you right now” and my mother acts like a petulant child “well when!? will you ever talk to us?” I tried to keep my cool and just kept telling them its pointless, I do not want to talk to them. I did lose it at one point and told them as usual they have their whole victim thing. because they are whining about how they were just angry. I told them that I was hurt and angry too, but that is why I just didn’t say anything at all, rather than say something that couldn’t be taken back. and I told them that they obliterated any possibility of help that I could get from our community, when I really needed it. of course her response was” we didn’t go to them, they came to us!”

its just crap. as usual always just crap. She asked me what I wanted them to do- I told her to go away. I wanted them to just go away. its still all about them. nothing has changed. they take NO responsibility for their own behavior at all. I guess I should just feel lucky and grateful that they came when my son was at school, so I didn’t have to deal with additional drama. If through any of this, I saw anything remotely resembling them taking responsibility for their own actions..I would consider contact with them again. But they are toxic. While I was out of the country, they threatened to kick my 13 year old out of the house. When he tried to be honest with them and talk about being depressed and wanting to hurt himself, they blew him off, (and actually TOLD me like it was ok)  and said to him “well, you may be suicidal but that’s not an excuse for bad behavior”. They then, after already in truth owing me gobs of money, decide I owe them money, and DEMAND it..to the point that they trashed me, told everyone at synagoge that I must be drinking again. (I have been sober for 16 years). They said the most hateful things to me, about me, everything. things that simply cannot be taken back. this is after YEARS of crap from them. So I finally take a stand, and they just don’t get it. And they have the audacity to show up and invade my house. I guess my only consolation now, is maybe they FINALLY get my point. that I do not want contact with them. That I am done with them. I told them again now, to their faces, that I am DONE. enough is enough. I do not want to talk, I do not want to get together, I do not want holidays. I want them to leave me alone. yes, part of me sometimes gets a little sad…but mostly that is because I wish things could be different. that they could be normal parents and grandparents. but the sad truth is they cannot. and they will never be. I just won’t let them do to my son what they did to me. they crossed the line when they started that crap, and started throwing things in his face blaming me, bringing up the past, telling him when he objected to being thrown out of the house “well your mother thought we couldn’t do that to her and she saw it could be done”. I won’t tolerate it. If it means making things harder on myself, so be it. But the sad truth is, even though it means I am all alone here, with no support, no help, nothing at all…its still easier then dealing with them and their nonsense. It’s easier being all alone then trying to make them act like normal responsible people.

I do think though, that the visit really was about mother’s day. its’ too close to that to be coincidence. My mother just wants to be fawned on. She can’t bear to go through not only another holiday, but this one knowing she is not going to get anything from us. it makes her look bad to the people she so desperately wants to impress. I won’t get anything either- the difference is I don’t care about impressing anyone or how it looks. I just want my son to be happy and healthy and successful. that to me is the best present I can get.