wow…its been so long since I have written anything here. crazy. So much has happened, I don’t even quite know where to begin. I think things are going ok. I think things are all gonna work out exactly right. I am afraid to believe too much in it, lest it get jerked away from me.

stayed in kind of limbo land for a while, then negotiated a visit to Mexico. Got to take my son with me, which had its up and down. Managed to drive there myself, with a car full of crap and a kid in the back but it was fun. Things got a little hectic with the travel arrangements because we were supposed to be able to pick up my son’s passport in Houston, but they insisted on mailing it to us instead. Big pain in the ass. So now I have a credit with orbitz that I need to use, and we had to do creative traveling because of the new requirements for Mexico. You can still cross by land with a birth certificate, but you need a passport to fly. So we went, and I got to be there for my birthday which made me happy. The S.O. kept his promise of last year and was with me this year for that. First couple of days were bliss. Very happy. then much stress, as confusion and miscommunication seemed to rule. we had much fighting, and for a while I thought it might even be over for good. But we did end up talking in the end which was good. And it seems to come to some agreements.

We found a beautiful house to expand the business into, that also has room upstairs to live in. Its perfect, everything I wanted for both the business and to live in. I keep dreaming of it. We are working on getting the paperwork together to get the house. its complicated there and requires things that we don’t here to rent a place. hopefully that will happen very soon, as I do not want to lose out on the house. His family is giving him a hard time as usual, which is complicating things somewhat. it is very difficult sometimes, because they get so jealous and then can cause problems. I have started to buy things for the expansion, and get moving quotes. there is part of me that is so afraid he will turn around and go what? i didn’t mean for you to move right NOW. which at that point I will scream and I don’t even know what else. What frustrates me is the lack of communication. That I will know he has concerns, worries, etc..but won’t talk about it. reverts to avoidance and joking and never answering a question and it makes me insane. and wastes so much time. I think he is afraid of being responsible for me moving there. that something will happen to him and he won’t be around to take care of me and I will be alone in Mexico. While i appreciate the sentiment, it frustrates the hell out of me, because he doesn’t see that things are no good for me here either. that I have no help or support, that I am harassed constantly by my parents, that it is SO expensive for me its insane, and that I can’t get any income coming in to help cover the costs of things. That if I don’t move soon, I will have nothing at all.

He is so focused on the business that its hard for him to see anything else, but the problem is everything is connected. He doesn’t see that because he doesn’t look that far into it. The business will succeed so much more with both of us working on it. I can spend money on the business if I don’t have to spend so much on day to day crap. there are opportunities in Mexico for me that just simply don’t exist here. and most of all, its where I want to be. Its been almost 2 years of long distance hell, its enough. I don’t want to do it anymore. I want a normal relationship. I want that easiness that goes along with us being together in the same place. I want loving every day. we end up with all this extra stress and crap and hell that just doesn’t need to be there. and in the end it all comes together just like we have talked about- I just don’t understand why it has to be SUCH a struggle to get there.

So, hopefully I will be be moved to Mexico next month. I am moving forward with it on my end, doing what needs to be done. I am trying to keep my faith that it will all work out, and do the whole law of attraction stuff, cause it sure worked for me in getting to Mexico this last time. I keep envisioning myself in that house, together with him, working on the business and living and loving life. its such a beautiful dream for me, and one that has been a long time coming.