how to navigate life. how to make the next right decision. got some news today..my hand is being forced so to speak. I have basically run out of time. I must make a move. to somewhere. a literal physical move. I do not have choices anymore. but what to do next? where to go? everything has impact. I know where I want to be, but without help and support, how do I do it? how can I possibly make it happen?
It is just so HARD sometimes. I feel like I have zero support, really. Because everyone has their own agenda. No one really cares truly about what is in my best interest. it frustrates me, because I am supposed to remain neutral and supportive of those in my life, to not let my own interests affect that. seems like a double standard to me. I am also reaching a huge milestone, a rather negative one with my bank account. and it terrifies me. I don’t want to turn around in a few months and find myself broke with absolutely nothing to show for it. that would just SUCK. I am trying to remain positive and focused on good things. to take positive action. At this point, the boxes I ordered are here, so I am packing. Have no real idea where I am gonna end up, just know that I have run out of time and have to move. So I am packing. a little bit at a time. Got some more moving quotes, more reasonable than I thought with one of them. I had given up on them because it was taking so long to get back to me, so I figured it would be astronomical in cost, and was pleasantly surprised. The only problem is it includes packing, and that just freaks me out. I don’t want other people packing my things. plus I went ahead and started getting boxes to pack stuff. I figure at this point I will continue to pack, as I do not truly know where I am going to end up. if it goes the way I want, then great. I will negotiate something with them regarding the packing stuff, and go from there. I am going to continue to sort through items, and try to have at least a small yard sale this weekend. I really need to know what is going to happen, where I am moving to, so I can figure out what I am gonna sell and what I am gonna keep. That is really the hard part.
The S.O. knows my timetable now, that I must be making decisions. I still am holding out hope for the pretty house that I really want, but at this point if I can just make it to Mexico I will be happy. in the end I know it will all sort itself out. I just need to maintain my faith and keep putting one foot in front of the other and try to stay off the gerbil wheel. I will just be so happy when this phase gets sorted out. god..I am SO ready for that.
