I really do. I know, it is not in keeping with the christmas spirit and all. the problem is, I am a nervous wreck. Almost every bad thing that has ever happened to me, has happened this time of year. right at christmas. death, divorce, losing family and friends. so I realized, that I am in high alert overdrive. my son managed to sneak up on me and make me jump out of my skin 3 times last night. I am over sensitive. I am interpreting all signals everywhere as the end of the universe as I know it. it so needs to stop. It was really bad today, because the S.O. decided he was going out, but didn´t know where. just going cause he needs time alone. he has been way snappy the past days, which doesn´t help me and my mood at ALL. at first it way freaked me out. then he got down to the bottom of the hill and blew a tire out. went to help him with that, and left feeling a little better. he is way stressed right now, mostly family stuff. The joys of family stress. god knows I am over it too. his family is very kind to me, but they really sort of take over. i think in part it is a cultural thing. but I know that if he doesn´t get some breathing room really soon, he is going to have a melt down. which might not be totally bad, as he really needs to get the stress out. I want him to get to the bottom of whatever is bothering him, and get over it, so we can resume are regularly scheduled programming so to speak.

we will see what happens. in the meantime, I am kinda stuck in the house waiting. trying to keep myself occupied. really should clean and don´t feel like it. gonna take a shower and at least make MYSELF clean lol. hopefully he will be home soon, feeling better about lots of things. at least he opened up a little more to me today, which was a vast improvement from the snarly cranky surly crap going on lately.