well…all that personal angst and drama yesterday. wow. and all of my own creating. that is the funny thing about being on the gerbil wheel. you can know you are there, be fully aware that you are spinning yourself out of control, yet continue to run like a rodent. I left last night and went driving, having convinced myself of several bad things. had this whole visual scenario in my head that I couldn’t shake, that was not real at all. did impress myself at least that I managed to find my way without the GPS all over town. I had been expecting bad traffic but the roads were virtually empty last night. I eventually got in touch with the S.O. I beat him home only by moments. he was very very tired by then, but seemed a bit better.  I gave him a little small present at midnight and he seemed genuinely touched. I gave him a giant hershey’s kiss  and a new song. Wrote out the lyrics for him so he would have them, along with a little note, and sang it for him. it seemed to make him happy.  we ate a little bit and went to sleep early for us.

one of my dogs made a break for it this morning. took off on an adventure in the neighborhood. but I was able to retrieve her. the S.O. seemed actually concerned, which was good. he is very over her at the moment and her issues. she has massive fear aggression issues and has been out of control. (long story, dealing with it) woke up to my son on the couch, thought he had ended up there because he wet his bed again, didn’t make him get up and go to the bathroom but later realized I should have. when I got up later, he was back in his bed, having SOAKED the couch. which is now ruined.  I asked him about it, apparently he decided to get up and go to the couch last night because “I just COULDN’T sleep in my bed mom, I just couldn’t”. I have told him and told him and told him about sleeping on the couch, since the last one I had got ruined by him and his pee issues. I am so done with it. he is 14 years old and still pisses the bed every night. he has never achieved night time dryness in his whole life.  this summer it got better and he had more dry nights, even going a week or two without accidents. but since we have been here every night he wets. he might have had 1 dry night, after going to bed at 3am. I told him that was it, he was going to a doctor. his last doctor kept telling me he would grow out of it, but OMG i can’t deal with it anymore. the pee has gotten exponentially larger as he has grown. he is now bigger than me, and pees astronomical amounts. he also drinks I think entirely too much, so I am wondering if he is diabetic now. ugh.

so, as soon as possible, he is going to a doctor. something has to be done, I can’t live like this anymore, he can’t live like this anymore..all the freaking pee, always his room reeking, mattresses always ending up ruined. its ridiculous.