ugh. I am so stressed out. I need to find a new house. desperately. thought I found one, thought it would work. not perfect, but cute. like the outside area a lot. but S.O. thinks it is too small. he wants two floors. I don’t care about that, frankly will be happy not to have to deal with stairs and furniture up them etc. plus easier to clean. our problem is we want different things. he wants multiple rooms and massive space. the real problem is he decided on this house a long time ago, didn’t look at anything else, wanted that one. it was a very good deal. problem was the owner didn’t want to rent to us, and found problem after problem until renting it to someone else. or at least so she says. I liked it, it was a good deal, but MASSIVE. I wanted more outside space but was willing to comprimise. but oh well, it didn’t happen, after working on it for weeks and weeks.

so, now we are back to the drawing board, and not finding houses to rent. its very hard, and they are all more expensive than I wanted to pay. I am willing to do that though if we can find something. of course, I have to figure out a way to come up with all the money to get in, which will be challenging in and of itself.so maybe the delay is good, it lets me accumulate some more money. but I have too much to pay for all at once. got our new visas, which cost way more than I was hoping to spend. spent about 600 dollars. I am telling myself its ok, that the fine was worth it because at least I have them now and no problems with coming or going or having to miss work because I don’t have my visa.

I should be able to access my PTO time for this past weekend, theoretically. I am hoping it is not contigent on completing my 90 day evaluation, like my bonus is. I need the PTO so I don’t miss any paycheck stuff from staying home this weekend. I need to do my 90 day evaluation, which i don’t want to do. it makes me nervous, and I am concerned because I missed time this weekend unfortunately. I originally had planned for the bonus installments to go into the bank, but it doesn’t look like that will happen. the last one paid for jake’s school, and this one will have to go to that and moving. its unfortunate but a huge amount of it gets sucked up in taxes right away. almost a whole installment between two of them gets taken in taxes. I am nervous about filing my taxes next year, as I have not for the past couple of years because I had no income. we will see what happens though. from the little bit of research I just did, I should be ok with my taxes. I was concerned because I don’t know how that works now with me living here and working in the US on the weekends.

so, in the meantime, everything needs paid at once, there is not enough money, and we need to find a house immediately. hopefully we will be looking at a couple of houses this morning. I keep telling myself it will work out and we will find one soon, this week. and then we can get packed and moved right away. I don’t want to be stuck here in this current house for another year. not with outrageous electric bills, crappy internet and not enough room. but i am keeping my fingers crossed for now and we will see.